NBA Playoff Panic Rankings: 6 of 8 Series Are Completely Over. Done. Finished.

Every NBA Playoff series is now 2 games old so it’s time to reevaluate where each team is headed. It’s amazing how much some things have changed. Here’s how much each fanbase should be panicking.

WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH OUR WEEK OFF?

Golden State Warriors – Things are going so well they’re letting guys rest in the middle of a playoff series. There will be even more time to get healthy while they wait a week for the Jazz and Clippers to finish their business.

Chicago Bulls – I love it when a plan comes together.

Washington Wizards – The Wizards dress in black. They’re double MMA. They pretend they’re Death Row artists. They just like to play pretend and win basketball games and it looks like they aren’t out of either.

San Antonio Spurs – *yawns*

Houston Rockets – Triple doubles aren’t cool. You know what’s cool? Playoff wins.

NOTHING TO SEE HERE

Cleveland Cavaliers – There is still nothing to worry about. Seriously. Just a 2-seed taking care of business. Don’t know if you heard but everyone on the team scored 25 points in Game 2. It was a record. Yup. Rolling right to the Finals. No worries!

RELAX. NOBODY FREAK OUT.

Toronto Raptors – It’s all good! They put those young upstart Bucks back in their place in Game 2. Time for veteran All-Star Olympians to take control of the series like Bane would want. Besides, no matter what happens, they won’t be the highest seed to lose in the first round.

Los Angeles Clippers – The series is even and they have experience on their side. Just ignore the years of actual disappointing results. No matter what happens, I really think we should bring this core back next year and let’s just see what happens.

NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND

Milwaukee Bucks – Giannis is still pretty awesome (24/15/7), but they’re still a year away! Nobody expected anything from them. There were no expectations. This series is all about getting experience! Learning for the future!

Utah Jazz – Maybe Rudy Gobert is kind of important, but he’ll be back. They still have homecourt! Best of 5! We can do this! Just, don’t get your hopes up.

SEASON OVER. FREAK OUT. NOW.

Oklahoma City Thunder – Russell Westbrook is a ballhog who has killed this team all season long. MVP? Ha! More like Worst Player Ever. He shoots too much. He holds back his teammates. He is the reason for everything bad that has ever happened in Oklahoma.

Atlanta Hawks – *shrugs*

Indiana Pacers – It was fun while it lasted. Just kidding. It’s looked really painful for everyone involved.

Portland Trail Blazers – The good news is that Major League Soccer season really gets going every year after the Blazers flame out of the playoffs.

Memphis Grizzlies – You have to wonder if they’ll just fold the entire franchise once Marc Gasol and Zach Randolph are gone. All we’ll be left with is a bunch of ironic t-shirts.

Boston Celtics – Blow up the #1 seed and focus on a rebuild. Their coach is either bad or too good. Either way, he must be fired. Jaylen Brown, who is playing 10 minutes a game in this series is the future of the franchise. Everyone else is expendable. Unlike 2 months ago when everyone was untouchable. This entire franchise is a mess.