Last season – They started 0-4, but finished 8-8. Steve Slaton had a promising rookie campaign and Mario Williams came into his own. Unfortunately, this is all anyone remembers from the ’08 Texans.
Quarterbacks – Matt Schaub is the oft-injured starter. He missed 5 games in each of the last 2 seasons. His backups are the boundry-disrespecting Dan Orlovsky and The Sex Cannon, Rex Grossman. This is easily the most talented and dangerous group of QB’s West of Philadelphia.
Cheerleaders – They have them.
Offense – Andre Johnson is really really really really good. Steve Slaton might also have multiple reallys in his description at some point. Kevin Walter is the scrappy #2 receiver. (Racist?) They also have Pro Bowler Owen Daniels at TE. Daniels is more “good” than “scrappy” because he plays Tight End. They’re a talented bunch. If the offensive line puts it together and protects their glass quarterback, they’re going to be dangerous instead of just fun to watch.
Beer – The Texans are there for their fans – To get drunk, at least. The organization shrunk the cup size of their (always a bad move) and kept the prices the same this preseason. The fans weren’t happy and voiced their opinions. The Texans listened and went back to the bigger cups.
Defense – Mario Williams continues his evolution as he posted 14 sacks last season. Dude’s a monster. Brian Cushing was the first round pick out of USC and he’s won a starting job at outside linebacker. Daunte Robinson should be fully recovered from a knee injury from a couple years back. He and LB Demeco Ryans are both solid players. Don’t let all this positive talk confuse you though – this defense is full of busts and hackfrauds.
/glares at Amobi Okoye
Location – It’s in Texas. (I think the star means it’s part of Dallas.)
Kicker – Kris Brown kicks the ball like it was mouthing off to him from the passenger seat.
David Anderson likes Conan –
Prediction – Could Houston be the super sleeper that makes the leap this season!? They’re young and talented. With a healthy Matt Schaub, they have a top-tier offense. (Though I would kill to see Rex Grossman unleash the dragon with this offense.) Combine the O with an improved (but still fraudy!) defense and we could be looking at a playoff team.
Probably not though. The AFC South is tough, brother. I see 9 wins and an exclusion from the playoffs in their future. Don’t worry though Texans’ fans your time is coming. Someday.